God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
