I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
