You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
