we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
