I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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