I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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