She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
