Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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