Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
