Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
