Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
