MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
