Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
