I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
