So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
