very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
