I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
