She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
