I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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