Sry I called you an 8
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
