i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
