he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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