Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You dont lie about slip and slides
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
