i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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