STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
