but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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