All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
