OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
