I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
