Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
