And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
