You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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