There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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