was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
