Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
