I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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