I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
