We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
