Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
