I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
