stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
