mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
