So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
