i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
