All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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