I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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