yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
