I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Too much gin, very little bucket
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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