i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
