Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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