i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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