dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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